Thursday, January 29, 2015

Expired Coupon Time Machine

You know how there's computers that can process info at mind blowing speeds? And there's also chromebooks?

Imagine, if you will, a point in history where time machines had just been released to early adopters. Already, the marketing and development divisions were perfecting a much simpler time machine that only makes expired coupons redeemable.

But, the loophole, is that you can get products unavailable in your time. I could get a Thanksgiving Every Day from Pineapple Jack's, if I had a coupon for one and this limited-type of time travel. My friend might have a fuel collection. Maybe she wants some pre-unleaded extra-heavy leaded fuel sold by an Esso Blue in 1962.

The year is 2015. We have jet packs and hover boards. We have solar powered flying cars (almost, right,...?). We have robotic limbs,
our Navy's Got Lasers, 
we've pwn'd 
Clones and Drones

But I can't get a hot dog with chili inside, 
or big league chew without phenylalanine!

Sure, you might buy gold at insanely low prices, antiques that would be priceless today, or items of clothing you lost along the way that you'd love to have again. One time, Amazing Savings had this caramel beverage. I've never seen it again. I'm getting all they had, every time I go back. 

Bojangle's doesn't even sell cinnamon biscuits anymore. Did you know this?

Lasers can fix eyes, play cds, perform vasectomies, destroy ships. Rockets can destroy buildings, propel spaceships out of the atmosphere, achieve land speed records. But that doesn't help my brother get his beloved Boo Berry Breakfast Cereal when it was good.

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